When I started nuancespod.com I knew very few people from the queer community. But given the podcast’s goal was to showcase diverse experiences in the Asian diaspora, I made it a point to seek out queer voices as well. About 25% of my guests have been from the queer community and I have learned so much from my conversations with them.
For example, I learned that in the gay community, “no fats, no fems, no Asians” is something people actually put on their dating profiles. Some people will not even have a conversation with Asian gay men. I was shocked. Asian women are often fetishized, but Asian men are emasculated, and even more so in the gay community.
Other guests told me how religion was a hurdle for their family to embrace their queerness. They spoke about how it felt like their parents were committing to not knowing them fully, instead choosing to ignore or just tolerate the parts they don’t understand, and how much that still hurts their relationships.
I also learned that for many in the queer Asian community, coming out is not an option unless they’re willing to risk losing everything. Because in many of our Asian cultures, family is everything. In Chinese culture especially, there is this concept of the entire family “losing face” when someone in the family does something that is considered taboo by the rest of the community. They shared how isolating it was to be at a family dinner and not have anyone stand up for them when a bigoted uncle made hurtful comments.
Still others told me how their parents wanted to be supportive but wrestled with the idea of foregoing a heterosexual marriage, and continuing the family lineage.
In many cases, my guests told me how they felt so alone as kids, thinking that their experiences were unique to them, thinking there was something wrong with them. Some were even told it was a sin to be who they are. What a horrible thing for kids to internalize.
But it was not all bad. I also heard their stories of queer joy. Having the support of an ex-spouse and kids through transition. Finding love. Giving themselves permission to be themselves. Wearing makeup when they feel like it. Creating a culture of consent in the queer community. I wondered what it would mean for queer Asian youths to have access to more wholesome queer stories that are culturally relevant to them?
In addition to continuing to highlight people from the queer community, I also wanted to provide a broader historical context that shows that these stories are not outliers. Why are our “Asian cultures” so homophobic and transphobic today? Has it always been this way? Do our queer Asians have queer ancestors? If so, what was it like for them?
One day, I came across a video on TikTok about a 1651 play written by Li Yu, titled “The Fragrant Companion”. It was a story of two women who were madly in love with one another. They got their happy ending by marrying the same man in a polygamous marriage. If this was a hit play in 1651, what other stories are out there that we don’t know about?
I set out on a quest to find more stories of premodern queerness across Asia, and after 10 months of research and development, I am so proud to present “Queering Premodern Asia”, a limited series.
Here’s an audio introduction to what the series is about:
Nuances: Our Asian Stories: S5: Queering Premodern Asia - Ep.0 - An Introduction on Apple Podcasts
Each episode features narrated stories, comments from scholars, and discussions with a queer Asian co-host. It it was important for me to include queer voices in the series and, unsurprisingly, every guest co-host brings so much more nuance to the conversation than I could ever as a cis straight woman.
So, what are cis-straight folks supposed to do during Pride Month? Same as they’re supposed to do every other month. Be curious. Be a good friend. Have compassion. Engage with people who have different experiences from you and listen. Rather than buying a rainbow themed coffee cup from a corporation, it might be more impactful to ask the community how to help. If you don’t know any queer folks and you’re not sure where to start, but are somewhat curious about history and culture, I hope you’ll consider starting with this series!
Queering Premodern Asia
- In search of Prince Charming…and his king! (OUT NOW)
- But where are the lesbians? (OUT NOW)
- 50 shades of gender. (coming 6/30/24)
- Love, marriage & their casual relationship.
- Gods, sex & the patriarchy.
- The West: savior or demonizer?
- Gender bender.
- For the record.
- In search of the socially acceptable.
- Nuances: Our Asian Stories: 1. In search of Prince Charming & his King (Queering Premodern Asia - a limited series) on Apple Podcasts
- Nuances: Our Asian Stories: 2. But where are the lesbians? (Queering Premodern Asia - a limited series) on Apple Podcasts
Interviews with the queer community
About 25% of my interviews have been with the queer community. You can find the full list here. In particular, I’d like to highlight the Trans Day of Visibility feature episode (S4E7), a wholesome trans story that both emphasizes the need for support for gender affirming care, and highlights a shining example of how that support can help someone thrive, and bloom again.
